#24: my tummy hurts
and a little rant about the healthcare system in america
hi hi hi sisters ♡
welcome back to a new week! sit up and buckle down buckle up and sit down and lets get this show on the road
bachan’s japanese barbecue sauce. you can buy it from costco for $10 for a GIANT bottle and its soooo yummy. I like to use it when I make stirfry noodles, fried rice, and alyssa said its also good drizzled over a poke bowl. we just bought the yuzu variety of the sauce and I am excited to use- also very excited to go to costco to get big bottles to stock up on.
movies: school is getting really busy so my movie consumption took a dip this week to only three (lol I know its still three movies but thats not a TON for me)
the first was c’mon c’mon and boy oh boy that film is truly one of the best films I have ever seen in my life. it is stunning visually, and the dialogue is something that pierces my soul in the best way possible. in prep for dune 2, bjørn and I and our roommates (so cute) watched dune part one on saturday night and I understood a lot more this time around. really looking forward to dune 2 this week and see what the hype is all about. for movie church, in honor of women’s history month, we watched erin brockovich. it was incredibly powerful and inspirational and frustrating as it is based on a true story, I highly recommend
podcasts: my fav girl, chelsey curtis (from the what we said podcast), was on the weekly trash podcast and I really loved her episode. I have been listening to the WWS podcast since it first started, so almost 6 years now, and while I LOVE jaci marie smith, I have felt a special (para-social albeit) connection to chelsey, so whenever I get the chance to hear from just her without her pink paired partner, I take full advantage of it. and this episode was a special treat 🩵
in my mind: I finished my book gang leader for a day and while I was engaged and found it to be interesting, I wouldn’t go out of my way to recommend it. I would rather encourage someone to find a book written from a gang member or former gang member or someone who is sharing their experience. not a book written by a sociologist.
in my stomach: I WILL be making these garlic noodles so soon, but until then I will just drool over them via my computer screen
sometimes I hate my body; and I dont mean that in a body image sort of sense. but I hate how I feel like my body fails me over and over again. growing up I got sick multiple times a year, I had to get tubes in my ears twice because of all of the ear infections I would get, I have had back issues intermittently in my life- because I have scoliosis that went undiagnosed until my early 20s, I have depression and anxiety (which for the most part is under control, I still have major episodes, but I have been on medication since high school), I’m exhausted ALL THE TIME, and now in the past couple of years ive had lots of gut issues. I throw up incredibly easily, I will have to use the restroom quite frequently, and I get really bad stomach aches to the point of wanting to curl up in a ball and cry; honestly, im sick and tired of feeling like my body is broken
I always feel like I need to give a big ol’ caveat that I recognize that I have it easier than *a LOT* of people in this world. I have 20/20 vision, I can hear relatively well, I can walk, I have all of my limbs and fingers and toes, I don’t have cancer, I sleep in a bed, I am able to eat and afford food, I am living
while I apologize for the apologetic caveat, I want my readers to know i recognize my privilege in this world and i don’t want to seem blind to the issues and injustices that others go through
but also there are friends of mine that never get sick and don’t throw up monthly and this is my place to rant
I am trying to actively figure out what is going wrong with my body. which adds to the frustration because I feel like I am never getting an answer as to why my stomach is upset all the time. I don’t have gallstones, or anything they can see in my abdominal organs via an ultrasound. my blood results come back just fine. I do have to schedule an endoscopy that I have been procrastinating, mainly because my doctor only does them on tuesdays and tuesdays happen to be my busiest day of classes. so while in school, it isnt the most ideal procedure to have done, but the longer I hold off, the longer I will go without answers.
while I could always improve on my eating and health habits, I feel like I do a relatively good job at trying to eat well balanced meals while eating some fruit or veggie daily. so I end up just feeling annoyed and ill most days and the american health care system is not helpful in this process. its SO hard to find a doctor that takes your insurance and has availability when you need it. you can’t go to a specialist without a doctor’s referral, even though you KNOW you need to see a gastroenterologist (psychologist, psychiatrist, chiropractor, etc), you have to go to another doctor first and then everything is pushed back even further. and don’t even get me STARTED on trying to find a therapist on medicaid, I feel like a broken record at this point.
until I can get answers, i’ll be chomping away on ginger chews, guzzling gatorade, and consuming a copious amount of tums and imodium in the interim
youtube: I love when timmy is in a new movie and plays a larger role in that film (or you know the main role) because I get lots of new promo and interviews to watch
facebook: I don’t know how this ended up on my facebook feed, but this photo of martha stewart is incredibly gorgeous and i cant stop looking at it
instagram: I love them; ngl this collab seems real cool 😎; this truly is me; love adore obsessed
we had a glorious spring day yesterday and its making me really excited for springtime in the city. it might be my favorite place to witness spring. there is something so rejuvenating seeing central park full of people, bikers zooming across the city, families walking around hand in hand, and everyone is buzzing and happier than they were the day prior. I cant wait for more of those days soon ♡
xoxo,
your big sis, kaitlynn
p.s. the oscars are on sunday so here are some of my final picks of the winners (this. is what I think will happen, not what I necessarily want or think should happen, but some happen to be that way):
best picture- oppenheimer
best director- christopher nolan
best actress- emma stone (I actually hope this happens)
best actor- cillian murphy
best supporting actress- emily blunt
best supporting actor- robert downey jr (would love if mark ruffalo won though)
