#3: Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie
however, long live Allen, he's a king
hi hi hi sisters ♡
welcome back to a new week! if you are new, i’m so happy to have you, you can look at old newsletters by clicking here for the archive ◡̈
despite such a jarring newsletter title, I am doing better and feeling a little less existential. still perpetually worried about money and the grey cloud of loans looming over my head at all times, but watching the Barbie movie this week was the PERFECT way to spend time and wowie did I cry my little eyes out. who would have thought that I would feel relatable to Stereotypical Barbie? Greta Gerwig, because Barbie is all of us.
tis the season for fall treats! my fav pumpkin treat is from Trader Joe’s, surprise surprise, and they are the pumpkin spice madeleine cookies. omg they are SO SO SO tasty. they are the perfect pumpkiny flavor, not too strong, but just right. lol I sound like Golidlocks…
movies: Bjørn and I watched a movie called Before Sunrise back in March, and we watched the second one, Before Sunset, this week and WOW it is so so so beautiful. the dialogue is on a different level of awe; i am mesmerized by their monologues and conversation. I have been realizing that my favorite types of movies are those that just show the beauty of humanity and a little slice of life. nothing really happens, but after watching, your hearts are softer and you love the world a little bit more.
*side note* I found out that the director of Before Sunrise/Sunset (the Before Trilogy) is directing the movie, Merrily We Roll Along, with Ben Platt and Beanie and Paul Mescal- and I am SO excited. I mean the movie won’t come out for another 20 years, because they are filming it in real time to genuinely show the aging of these friends, but can’t wait. this director also did Boyhood, which was filmed over a period of 12 years. so I very much trust him to do this.
podcasts: lol once again shouting out the Girls Camp Podcast. this week she interviewed Emilie Kiser, a tiktoker, that I have loved so much and I watch all of her videos. I thought she had some beautiful insights as to how it felt to leave mormonism as a convert. I think she’s so funny and it was very enjoyable
in my mind: I read Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow in less than a week. I truly just read it so so so fast, I really enjoy books that show the humanity of individuals and how frustrating it is to be a human. I enjoyed the story building a lot!
I also read Ejaculate Responsibly. This book is a super quick read, but I think EVERYONE should read it. the premise of the book is that men are responsible for all unwanted pregnancies, and her main argument is that men are fertile 24/7, 365 days a year from puberty to death, while women are fertile one day a month from puberty to menopause. she breaks down her argument into like 28 different points and then has a Take Action section at the end. really really insightful and just I think it is an important read for everyone. the author is mormon and went viral in 2018 for a tweet she had with this “radical” idea that men are responsible for unwanted pregnancies. the book came out last year and I just think it should be included in all health classes.
woah both authors for Ejaculate Responsibly and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow are both named Gabrielle…. spooky
in my stomach: the yummiest apple cider slushie with ice cream and an apple cider donut from where we went apple picking
I just read a very interesting article called The Pandemic Skip. its really short, so I highly recommend you read it. but it just talks about how all of us experienced three years of life that were almost lost due to the pandemic. and no matter what age you were at, they were still three SIGNIFICANT years. i know when everything was happening in 2020 a lot of people had different opinions of like “my child is missing their high school graduation,” or “my child is on a mission and has to come home,” or “i’m missing my college graduation” (which i do still think is more important than a high school graduation, my aunt was distraught about her son missing his HS one when i was missing my college one as one of the first women in my family to get a college degree….) nonetheless, we all lost three years of life.
I was 23 years old when the pandemic started, now I am 27, but I truly don’t feel 27 at all. like i said, my college graduation was cancelled and I moved to new york city in the beginning of the pandemic. when the city was completely empty. I started a career entirely remote when I had never worked more than 20 hours a week in my life. i’ve probably changed and grown more in the past 3.5 years than I have in that time frame in any other point of my life, and i LOVE where my life is right now. but i still feel like I missed out on a lot of things because of the pandemic…
i started the pandemic feeling little a child, and now I am quite truly an adult. and don’t get me wrong, i do think that being an adult is fun; I love getting to decide that I want chips and salsa for lunch, or I want to go on a trip last minute or I want to buy concert tickets for next july in utah. but it is also hard and scary and I feel utterly lost at all times.
growing up is so interesting. when I was younger I thought that adults had their whole lives in order, but as i’m growing up myself i’m realizing that none of us know what is going on. except maybe our grandparents, but that’s because they have lived such full lives at this point.
I cant say if I would feel any different if the pandemic never happened, and i’ll never know otherwise, but I do think its okay to mourn my younger 20’s and be sad that I feel like I missed part of my life. but I also am so so so grateful for my life right now, that I wouldn’t trade any of it for the pandemic to not have happened. call me selfish but i’m glad it happened. bjørn wouldn’t have gone to grad school if covid didn’t happen, which means he wouldn’t have moved to new york when he did last year. kelley and jonah probably wouldn’t have their precious dog opal. I dont know if I would have fallen in love with new york in the way that I have if I moved here when it was utter chaos like it is now. my feelings towards church and mormonism would be different. suffice to say my life would look radically different without the pandemic ever happening, and I really like my life right now (despite not loving law school and feeling lost)
so yeah, as crazy as it may sound, i’m grateful for those “lost years”
tiktok: STUNNING collages, I want them all printed; boy math is DUMB. girl math 4eva
pinterest: something to make you think
instagram: so many little posts that I found this week. a dog that takes selfies; lovely Van Gogh quote; stunning film photos by Jaci Marie Smith; roman empires that I think about
it is officially october and my soul is happy. even though it is going to be 80 degrees twice this week (TWICE) I am so so so happy for fall in the city and everything that comes with it. we went apple picking this weekend and it was lovely. can’t wait to bring in more fall fun!!
hope you all have a wonderful week. lysm ♡
xoxo,
your big sis, kaitlynn
