#52: i'm sick and tired
a saga
hi hi hi sisters ♡ like my title read, I am sick and tired (quite literally for both) so we are going to try to keep this short and sweet
substack actually created a summer recap of what i’ve been reading engaging with on substack, so I thought I would just share that with you guys
Highlights
☕ I read the most in the afternoon
💌 I subscribed to 18 new Substacks
❤️ I liked 12 posts
💬 I left 17 comments on posts
📜 I scrolled 28 meters in Notes
🕵️ I discovered 5 new posts via Notes
Top Substacks
Lunch on Friday by
A series of essays based on self-reflection and meaningful conversations with friends.
Top post this summer: We Should All Talk to Strangers
Uncle Ronnie by
Named after my favorite uncle who taught me to love the little things. Come for the pop culture fun and silly link roundups, stay for the candid discussions about body image. Welcome!
Top post this summer: A Gentle Reframe On Moving More
A sit in the grass by
Hosted by the area of my brain that contains the thrill of butter molded into tiny shapes.
Top post this summer: Stem Cell donation <3
Share your own Summer Recap
You can see your own summer recap in the Substack app. I’d love to see what you’ve been reading.
movies: I only watched one hundred and one dalmatians this week, but thats okay because its a perfect movie and made me cry
in my mind: I loved this youtube video of chefs eating box mac and cheese and giving their thoughts on each brand. it was interesting to watch people who have such intense backgrounds with food, be able to dissect ingredients and pick up on why some boxes are better than others
I actually typed up most of this a couple of weeks ago, but I want to share it now because it still remains true and something i’m trying to deal with still
I deal with depression every day, and some days and weeks the depression is stronger. depression is so finicky because sometimes it trickles in like a surprise, only with a couple of signs to notice, when other times it comes crashing down all at once. I know in the past couple of weeks the depression has felt like a dark heavy cloud hanging over my head that i’ve been trying to ignore. I have been SO sleepy and feeling extra lazy. I want to take a 2 hour nap every afternoon, and most afternoons I do. i’ve had headaches almost every day for the past four weeks. and I also forgot to turn in a homework assignment until it was a day late- which to most people wouldn’t be a big deal, but I keep track of everything, and I completely spaced it. that to me was a big sign that my depression is coming back stronger than usual.
and what makes this all extra complicated is the fact that its hard for me to say that my depression is “coming back.” I take meds every day to combat my depression and anxiety. so like is my depression ever gone? or is it subdued? or does it still come and go in waves like it will for someone who is not on medication? I dont really know the science behind it all…
but I do know, I don’t feel like myself and I do know that it feels like a reallyyyyy bad time to feel complacent about life and school, like girl I need to start applying to jobs and I need to pay attention in my clinic and classes and I can’t sleep all the time. life cant go on pause while I deal with my depression. as nice as that would be, its not the reality we live in. so we must press on. the sunday scaries actually come friday night instead of sunday night, and every time someone asks if i’m okay, I actually start to tear up, but when I say “i’m fine” people dont want to hear that as an answer and they look at you like a confused puppy with their head tilted to the side a little, wondering why you just said that instead of good
even though mental health is being destigmatized, as a society, people still have a hard time grappling depression or anxiety when they are actually confronted with it. so as the person with said depression (and anxiety- lucky me), I feel obligated to put on a mask to make others around me feel more comfortable with their complacency in the uncomfortable fact that the people around them are really only doing just fine, rather than good or great.
this month is suicide prevention/awareness month, and next week I want to share my own experiences with suicidal thoughts because its part of me and my history. but for now, I leave you with this, I am sick and tired of trying to hide my depression but its also SO HARD being vulnerable and opening up about when the depression is bubbling up and is stronger than usual because its easier to suffer in silence rather than share something that is so hard to describe to others, especially the people closest to me.
instagram: she is everything and more
well well well, we have come to the end, hopefully next week, despite writing on such a heavy topic, I will have more fun links and posts and other stuff to enjoy as well ♡
First of all, thank you for the shoutout! But more importantly, I absolutely love what you wrote about depression. I think you're right in that, yes, it's becoming destigmatized, but also, we still feel the need to be a little quiet about it. Thank you for opening about about it because I think it makes us feel like we're not alone! <3
<3 <3 <3